It's Friday. Sex?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
