yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
