Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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