I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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