I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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