Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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