I think I am morally bankrupt
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
