Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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