I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I love you. Go after that dick
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
