Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
