ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
