And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
