Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My bed smells like the plague
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
