I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
