i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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