i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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