Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
