Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
