wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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