for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
