Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
