dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
