I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
