fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
