At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
