I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
