Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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