My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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