I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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