hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
