She tied me up with her honor cords...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
