4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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