Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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