my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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