I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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