I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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