i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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