He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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