You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Congratulations! We have a period
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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