Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
