did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
