i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
