after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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