so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
