did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
