i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
