I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
