Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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