I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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