I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
