So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
