They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
