how can u be prego again
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
