I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
